The Bitter Tears
in
The Magic Skull
with
Alan Scalpone as Buzz Cudz
Mike McGinley as Babs Cudz
Reid Coker as Tiny Cudz
John Leonard as Uncle Professor Cudz
Tony Mendoza as Vinnie Draculabeletti
Holli Hopkins as the stage manager?
Act I
The Cudz family (pictured) is getting through another day together.
It is filled with the violent images of war, franchise restaurants, and fiendish accusations.
"Well I never wrote my name in snow with a cat's face!"
In a moment of frustration, Babs Cudz, a wounded floozy with a box of wine for a purse, vacuums a magic skull from their couch cushions.
The Skull speaks with a thick, Mexican payaso accent, and bemoans his wasted life watching TV.
He lists the many television programs that took up his existence:
... Spencer For Hire, Benson, Jake & The Fatman, Lifestyles of The Rich and the Famous, Highway to Heaven, Helltown, TJ Hooker, the black Jackson 5, Quincy, Ripley's Believe It or Don't Believe It, Parker Lewis Can't Lose, The Morton Downey Jr. Show...
While listing, the Cudz family decides to sell the skull for money.
The professor, a pedophile with Tiny Cudz (a consenting bearded baby), suggests they sell the skull to Harvard.
They get in their Lexus QX-570 and head east.
Act II
The Lexus QX-570 resembles a Yamaha PSS-470.
Buzz Cudz, a Vietcong obsessed veteran, leads the family in song.
"Sonics for breakfast, Sonics for lunch, Culvers for dinner..."
The skull gets diarrhea and they must pull over.
Act III
While the skull shits on the side of the road, Dracula emerges.
"Why is that skull shitting in my fog?"
We learn that he is Vinnie Draculabeletti, the great grandson of Dracula residing in a castle there in Hackenbuttz, New Jersey.
The skull and Vinnie recognize each other as long lost lovers.
They sing a ballad.
The skull demands a marriage.
During celebratory swigs of box wine from a nearby bucket, both Tiny and The Skull have disappeared.
Tiny returns to let everyone know that he buried the skull.
Dracula punches the baby and yells at the audience in the record store.
The Skull speaks from Heaven.
He likes it up there.
He breaks up with Dracula and informs the Cudz family that they are fart smellers.
"Goodbye!"
Everyone feels shitty.
Tiny begins a song called "That's Life".
Everyone sings and dances.
Though Uncle Professor never did find a way to turn horse manure into lightning.
Here's a review of our smash hit box office record busting one night only revue.
