June 28 - Black Cat, Washington D.C.

Entering IHOP with a belly full of Utz, Knob Creek, street crabcakes, Camden Yards spicy Italian sausage, Yuengling, beef jerky, and scrapple, I realized I left my girlfriend’s pillow back at the motel.  

The last day of the tour was spent in our nation's capital, where the museums are free.  Each Bitter Tour lone wolfed it for the day.  I went to the Air and Space Museum and The Smithsonian Castle.  Behind glass I saw a Wright Brother’s bicycle, Mean Joe Greene’s football helmet, as well as an astronaut’s fecal bag and shark repellent.  Plus, at no extra cost, the American Idol desk and chairs.

Greg found me napping at The Washington Monument, where he invented a funny, funny, original but funny idea for a photograph.  Check it out!

We hit the Lincoln Memorial, and The White House, and the old death war memorial, and the new death war memorial, and the other death war memorial, and the zzzzzzzzzz… Naw, but it was cool and we all learned a lot.

With a staff to help you unload, a dressing room, a fridge full of bottled water and Yuengling, a shower, and a full menu of free food, The Black Cat knows how to take care of a band.

Our set was met with icy resistance, with but just one lone heckler.  Alan challenged him to list things he liked about Chicago.

Bobby Conn and Barack Obama were mentioned.  Mike said that Obama was their problem now.

After our set, Hideout owner Tim Tuten surprised everyone by being there.  Over some fridge Yeunglings, he caught The Bitter Tears up on his new job with The Department of Education and his adventures with The Cabinet and George Lucas.  It seems Tim Tuten is DC’s problem now. 

We stayed with Geofferey, a former Electrical Audio intern, in his spacious DC funhouse.  I dreamt of a 14-hour drive full of pretty Appalacian curves, Pennsylvania Dutch delis with Amish apple pies and chipped ham hoagies, and then the pointless longevity of Ohio and Indiana.  But then Greg woke me up to let me know that I was snoring, and that I would leave my girlfriend’s towel behind in DC.

The B.Y.O.B.O.B.G.Y.N. tour was the best tour any band will ever have.  In a couple of months we will be in Europe.  Let’s see if it has anything on Akron.

June 27 - Day Off, Baltimore, MD

The floor was littered with slumbering punks, like a Max's Kansas Jonestown.  We thanked Jake and tip-toed into a sunny day off in Baltimore.  Scrapple, an accurately-named shingle of livery sausage, made its way into my body and bloodstream at Jimmy's Restaurant in Fells Point.

Homeless and aimless, we found Edgar Allen Poe's tomb, a record store, and a parking space by Camden Yards.

The Orioles game began at 7 but we got there at 6, just in time for The Washington Nationals' batting practice.  Greg and Mike got an umpire's eye on the starting pitcher's doomed form.

In Baltimore, "The Star-Spangled Banner" goes like this:

...gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.

O!  say, does that star-spangled banner...

In the top of the first inning the O's loaded the bases with no outs and then walked in 2 runs, prompting carnivorous boos and shouts of "Inexcusable!"  But they lethargically rallied to hit 3 home runs and win the game 5-3.

Wanting a drink for just a little less than $7 we found The Club Charles, a loungey hipster joint, just in time for the trapeze show.  Immediately followed a horn and drum combo playing minor chord waltzes.  I decided to drink Yuengling with Knob Creek so I could scarf down a bag of Utz chips with beef jerky later near Laurel, Maryland.