Entering IHOP with a belly full of Utz, Knob Creek, street crabcakes, Camden Yards spicy Italian sausage, Yuengling, beef jerky, and scrapple, I realized I left my girlfriend’s pillow back at the motel.
The last day of the tour was spent in our nation's capital, where the museums are free. Each Bitter Tour lone wolfed it for the day. I went to the Air and Space Museum and The Smithsonian Castle. Behind glass I saw a Wright Brother’s bicycle, Mean Joe Greene’s football helmet, as well as an astronaut’s fecal bag and shark repellent. Plus, at no extra cost, the American Idol desk and chairs.
Greg found me napping at The Washington Monument, where he invented a funny, funny, original but funny idea for a photograph. Check it out!
We hit the Lincoln Memorial, and The White House, and the old death war memorial, and the new death war memorial, and the other death war memorial, and the zzzzzzzzzz… Naw, but it was cool and we all learned a lot.
With a staff to help you unload, a dressing room, a fridge full of bottled water and Yuengling, a shower, and a full menu of free food, The Black Cat knows how to take care of a band.
Our set was met with icy resistance, with but just one lone heckler. Alan challenged him to list things he liked about Chicago.
Bobby Conn and Barack Obama were mentioned. Mike said that Obama was their problem now.
After our set, Hideout owner Tim Tuten surprised everyone by being there. Over some fridge Yeunglings, he caught The Bitter Tears up on his new job with The Department of Education and his adventures with The Cabinet and George Lucas. It seems Tim Tuten is DC’s problem now.
We stayed with Geofferey, a former Electrical Audio intern, in his spacious DC funhouse. I dreamt of a 14-hour drive full of pretty Appalacian curves, Pennsylvania Dutch delis with Amish apple pies and chipped ham hoagies, and then the pointless longevity of Ohio and Indiana. But then Greg woke me up to let me know that I was snoring, and that I would leave my girlfriend’s towel behind in DC.
The B.Y.O.B.O.B.G.Y.N. tour was the best tour any band will ever have. In a couple of months we will be in Europe. Let’s see if it has anything on Akron.
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